28 Dec A Few Tips for Life After Divorce
I found myself single again after 2 decades and realized I had a long list of things that needed to get accomplished. So, I decided to prioritize the list because life after divorce can be overwhelming. The first thing on my agenda was taking care of myself as well as my 2 small children and considering I hadn’t had to do this alone before, it took some soul searching.
One of the most immediate things I stumbled upon was learning to sleep alone again or even being in the house for extended periods without any adult conversation. I quickly subscribed to audible books and readers that could read aloud, not to mention I beefed up my iPod playlist with upbeat and fun music.
The next logical step seemed to be finding a therapist who specialized in divorce, not only for myself, but for my children as well. During this search, I contacted the elementary school my children attended and requested they form a small group of other children going through similar situations. The guidance counselor was more than accommodating to quickly put together a “changing families group”.
Thirdly, I began to recognize how powerful touch had once been in my life and the thought of not knowing when or if that was in the near future was daunting, so I decided to start scheduling a regular massage every 4-6 weeks or so. It doesn’t have to be a five star spa – most local gyms have a masseuse available.
I finally started to feel like I was gaining some control back in my life and we were all going to be okay and headed on the right track. Fresh air and movement have always been a good combination and I wasn’t getting enough of either so I committed to walking a few times a week. Some days it was all I could do to get my sneakers on, laced up, and make it to a local bench, but that was what I needed at the time. A change of scenery can give you a different perspective.
Lastly, just being in the moment without getting ahead of yourself is important. I know there are many clichés that you will hear about life after divorce, but listen to them and hang on to the ones that apply. Some examples of ones that were helpful for me were “this too shall pass” or “one day at a time” or even sometimes “one minute at a time” or “every cloud has a silver lining.” Make them your mantra – you will need it at times.
Taking care of your physical needs is just as important as your emotional needs and that can be difficult during this transition, so going into auto pilot is okay if you have things set in place. It does get easier, you will feel complete again – it just takes time and remember to go easy on yourself. Life after divorce is not easy, but it’s not impossible.
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